Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
