Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
