so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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