she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
