Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
