idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Every concussion has its silver lining
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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