So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
