Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
