went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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