Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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