she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
