wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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