u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
