Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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