we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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