Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
