i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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