When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
