I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
