also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
