i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
