we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
