ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
