The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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