I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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