dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
tell me about the eggs
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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