I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
too bad you live with your parents still
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
