i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
