I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
im six kinds of drunk right now
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This baby is an asshole
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
