Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We got so high we made milksteak
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
