It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
