worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
