He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
