Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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