you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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