Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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