We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
