I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
