I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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