shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he thought i was a dude.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
