yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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