I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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