It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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