just come out here and I will go home with you...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
