Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
