So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
