ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
