ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
