i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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