apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
