I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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