pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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