I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
