I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
