I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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